I know who I am and I know Im not able..

I love you more than anything, Ive said it before and ill say it a hundred more times if I have to. I wanted this.. I did. But Things change, people dont. Trying to make me into someone Im not is where you first went wrong. Then managing to spit out all the bad things you could possibly think of was your next mistake. This has been coming for a long time, and youd be lying if you said you didnt feel it to. I can tell by the way you just start to spit out problems every chance you get. There are problems, I get that 110 is a lot. A whole lot. Im only sixteen. All these things are still at the scary point for me.. way scary. Id rather be protected and shielded than forced to grow up. I love you, but I dont want this anymore. Its too hard, and I admit I give up, but not for lack of effort. I know that I need to focus on the more important things right now, and ive taken my mind off of some pretty big things for you. But for now im done with relationships, Im taking my time to build my main relationship. Please please understand, Im not giving up on you, just tuning in to something bigger.
Forever and always.
110.

Tell me that youre alright..

Today has been cold and boring. Christine, Emily and I are wearing our Sanctify shirts, which is pretty amazing because people keep asking me to see the back and then they just kinda shut up..

Father, Forgive them, for they know not what they do.
Luke 23:32

So I thought that was pretty cool. Hayden's prom was this weekend and everybody seems to have had a pretty crappy time, so I dont know what the deal is there. I still havent finished my specials book so I guess jamie was right abotu it being slow.. Its pretty bad. I need to start my research paper like pronto, seeing as I have a rough draft due in two days.. I dont know why I always wait until the last minute.. Ive been telling myself since friday that I really need to start.. But here I am on Monday still saying it..

Well Im going to Coach Drakes room, It really is too cold in here for me.

You say you're fine, I know you better than that..

You've chosen, and I couldnt be happier, though I wish things were different, youre doing your best.

"You're on the phone with your girlfriend, She's upset
She's going off about something that you said
She doesnt get your humour like I do"

Just start being real.. be who you want to be.. I know you..
That night meant so much to me and I dont know why, I can tell you dont constantly think about it, which kinda scares me.. I saw who you are that night.. I saw who you could be.. What you could do..

"And you've got a smile that could light up this whole town
I havent seen it in awhile, since she brought you down"

It could be amazing.. If you stop being afraid of the truth. You know the truth, and Its obvious that I do.. I only remind you daily..
Just choose the right thing. It could be gorgeous.

When I can not feel
When my wounds don't heal
Lord I humbly kneel
[Hidden in You]
Lord you are my life
So I don't mind to die
Just as long as I
Am hidden in You
Cause I could just sit with You awhile
You could just hold me
nothing can touch me
though i'm wounded
though i've died
If I could just sit with You awhile
I'd need You to hold me
Moment by moment 'till forever passes by

Its 2AM, I must be dreaming..

Bradenton Florida.
Sleepy and Tired.. I promise those are two different things..
Tomorrow I will do something i've never done before,
SEADOO!
I'm excited, and I need to sleep..
Secondlife is pretty cool..
&& I rock Hesters face off..



ily.
oh, and congrats nathan.. nice teeth.

Crank

"I hate this feeling. Like I'm here, but I'm not. Like someone cares. But they don't. Like I belong somewhere else, anywhere but here, and escape lies just past that snowy window, cool and crisp as the February air. I considered the streets beyond, bleak as the bleached bones of wilderness scaffolding my heart. Just a stone's throw away."

""you come home, and everyone talks at once and everyone asks questions, but no one waits for the answers.Instead they talk about themselves, what they've been up to, what they're going to do next, as if you're a photo on the wall.And then they talk to one another, forgetting you've just flown in, forgetting you're in the backseat, forgetting they've already said it all.""

""Think of how they must have loved when all they had was each other.""

The Rules

Uncomplicated, this child's game.
He says, Please?
She says, "I cant."
He, Why not?
She, "I'm not that type of girl."

Then she spends twenty minutes disproving the theory until,
Mother calls.
She answers, "Mom?"
Mom, Come inside now.
She, "Be right there."

Its a lie. He pulls her into his lap,
silencing meager protests with full-lipped kisses.

He insists, Now.
She resists, "Later."
He, Promise?
She, "Cross my heart."

fivesixseveneight

So you want to know all about me. Who
I am.
What chance meeting of brush and
canvas painted
the face
you see? What made
me despise the girl
in the mirror
enough to transform her.
turn her into a stranger,
only not.
So you want to hear
the whole story. Why
I swerved
off the high road,
hard left to nowhere,
recklessly
indifferent to those
coughing my dust,
picked up speed
no limit. no top end,
just a high velocity rush
to madness.